This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
