And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
