mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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