ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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