i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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