you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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