It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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