my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
