That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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