Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
