In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
