i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
