Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
