I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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