K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
