I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
