you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
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