my phone needs a breathalizer
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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