me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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