apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
