he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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