in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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