Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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