My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
