Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Your penis caused this!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
