i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
