Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I smell stomach acid.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
