I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
