IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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