YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
