i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
