it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
