please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think a kid would responsible me up
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
