I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
