bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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