I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i think i have two assholes
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
