Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
