As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
