you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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