If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
