This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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