My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I could make wine with my vomit
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
