All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
