i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
