I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Less talking, more tequila
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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