You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
