I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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