she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
