We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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