maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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