Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
