my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
