I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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