..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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