Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
