We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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